One of the great things I’ve experienced, as a result of having painted for several years, is how painting evolves from being a hobby to something that just becomes a part of you.
It sounds a bit cheesy, I know, but the ability to paint just for fun is something that I’ve just recently started to experience.
During the first years, when I started out painting, I was obsessed with learning.
Which was a good thing.
But there were endless of mediums and techniques to explore.
So it became almost a race towards finding my own style and my own thing.
I needed to produce great, unique paintings to prove to the world that I was worthy having this as a hobby.
Only then could I step up, and own it.
And I genuinely though that people would care, and have lots of opinions about it.
After a while, when I’d learned a few tricks and skills, I became obsessed with the need of making every painting a masterpiece.
Or, rather, the fear of losing my skills and confidence.
If I made a good painting, I was on top of the world.
If I made a really bad one, I was on the brink of crying.
Because I’d let myself down.
But I never got to make a great painting, because my ambitions were way too high for my abilities.
When I realized that my ambitions were way too high, though, I started to see great things in old paintings I’d thrown away.
Things I’m now quite proud of being able to produce in my early painting years.
Some even got a frame, after years of neglect.
Because they’re not good enough to hang in a gallery.
But they’re good enough for me.
I’ve realized that it never was about getting as good as possible.
Even though I’ll probably always keep reaching.
It was never about learning the greatest techniques, or working with the coolest mediums.
It was about taking something from the inside at getting it out through my brushes.
About finding a purpose and joy in doing something I love.
And to use all of this to make the inside feel a bit lighter when I needed to get something off my chest.
Because I was never a good talker.
So this is what I’ve painted for this post.
It is absolutely nothing to talk about.
But it’s everything to paint.